Help Me Fix My Homeschooling Mess
Can you help me fix my homeschooling mess? I made a mess of my homeschool year with Heart of Dakota (HOD). Previously, I put together my own mish-mash of curriculum. When my kids were little, that worked. I am most comfortable reading aloud. But as my olders approach high school, I see I’ve done them a disservice. They are tired of being read to when they can read themselves, and they don’t understand why they are paired with their younger siblings. When I found Heart of Dakota, I got good placement advice, and the kids were excited. But then I subbed All About Reading for Drawn into the Heart of Reading (DITHOR). I subbed Math U See for Singapore. Then I signed up for a coop with Apologia science, but oddly we’re supposed to do the experiments at home.
We also have to be in a certain number of activities, and I have to teach one class. The kids don’t even like it. Laundry is piling up. My 4 yo is challenging, especially in the mornings. My 4th grader needs extra help with math. By 10 AM, my whole day is off. I have sticky notes all over my guides, and I’m on different days for every subject. Can you help me fix my homeschooling mess?!?
Yes, we can totally fix this!
Well, first, take a deep breath! You obviously love your children and have their best interests at heart. We are hardest on ourselves as homeschool moms. This can totally be fixed! I like to ask myself questions to help me reflect on my homeschool year; it helps me find clarity. So, let’s do the same together for you!
How about those substitutions?
Are they worth it? The things you are subbing take more time than their HOD counterparts. DITHOR is only scheduled 3 days a week, and a large part of it can be completed independently, leaving you more time to teach others. If you love All About Reading and want to stick with it, I would drop All About Reading to 3 times a week, keep the amount of time you are doing it within the suggested time allotments of DITHOR, and do it on the days you see DITHOR in the plans.
Likewise, Math U See takes more time than Singapore, requires more teacher preparation, and viewing of DVD instruction. If you love Math U See, I would simply set a timer for the suggested time allotments for Singapore for the guides you are using, and when it dings, stop, picking up where you left off the next day. Or, if you are doing the experiments that accompany Apologia, science is certainly taking more prep, planning, and time than HOD’s science which can be done with virtually little prep, no planning, and independently by the student typically. If kiddos are attending a co-op for these, I’d consider if this is truly a help, or if it is a big disruption in your day.
How about that co-op and those activities?
How about activities, groups, sports, co-ops, even excessive church activities or family events that cause you to leave your home and not have time you need to teach? There are seasons for everything, but it is important to ponder if what you’re doing is helping or hurting. For example, I led a Bible Study of 14 women when I was young. I LOVED it! Over 3 years, it grew to be 50 women, with 5 group leaders, and I had another baby.
Suddenly, I loathed dragging the children to the church, waking the baby from his nap, trying to set up chairs/tables and a nursery even with a baby on my hip every week, as well as heading up 5 different groups. That season was done. I thought I couldn’t possibly quit – wouldn’t that be letting them down? But I knew I had to. Yes, some ladies quit the Bible study, but also some new ladies came, and some other ladies – in a better season of life – took over. So, what can you say ‘no’ to that may make more breathing space for homeschooling? Do you have some things you can take off your plate that would free up time to be home to homeschool?
How about household management?
Laundry? Meals? Chores? Screen time? Bedtimes? Errands? What can be done to streamline these? We have one gigantic laundry day now – Saturdays. We attack it as a family. My sister has each of her children do their own laundry, and each is assigned a day of week. No matter how you do it, laundry can be a chore to tackle! Likewise, dishes, trash, etc. Who’s doing them and when are they doing them? Menus. Simple is better than scrambling at the last minute. We have the same breakfast and lunch menu all school year typically, and then we change it the next year. We have the same side dishes at night but switch out the main meal. I make different desserts and breads as able.
At 8:45 PM, all go up for homework until bedtime at 9:30 PM, with the exception of my 16 yo if he has his homework done, but all are in bed at 9:45 PM. Keep a legal pad out and jot down what stresses you out the most. What are your ‘time robbers’? For me, I get breakfast ready as much as I can the night before, and I do supper prep at the same time I do lunch. I also stopped answering my phone during homeschooling. Each kiddo has chores he is responsible for, etc. I am sure you are doing many of these things, but just taking the time to think what is REALLY happening in the day is truly helpful!
How about your routine or schedule?
Is it realistic? No need to put a start time of 7 AM if you can’t truly get started until 8:30 AM. I say this because I’VE done this before and failed. This year I realized I never put time in to correct work. Crazy! I don’t know what I was thinking all these years! Now, I have teaching blocks with each of my kiddos and have in my plan to correct their work then. I added time to be able to do it!
Likewise, I decided I like to start my day quietly in my room. I get up at 6:30 AM, have my Bible Quiet Time, slip downstairs in my pj’s to get my coffee (strong), and then call my children in one at a time for a few subjects in my bedroom in my bed in our pj’s. This takes care of several subjects before we’re even ‘up’ for the day really! LOVE THIS for this season in my life!
My oldest is a morning person, so he starts his day at 6:00 AM. My middle son either does a bunch of school at night, as he’s a night owl, or he gets up at 6:30 AM. We put a homework time in at night for each of the kids, 8:45-9:30 PM. Why? On the rare night my husband is home, we actually want to talk and see each other! And, each of my kiddos have some of the “I” subjects done for the next school day. So, what are your have-to’s each day? When can you really start your day, and when must it end?
How about that challenging 4 yo?
You’ve identified your 4 yo is challenging in the morning – excellent reflection! So, why is the 4 yo difficult? Does he need attention? Does he want you? Is he short on sleep, up too early in the morning, up too late at night? How can that be fixed? I’d start with the 4 yo, as you’ve done a super job of identifying this as a problem! If he wants you, give him you first! Right away, work with him for 30 minutes and knock out his Little Hands to Heaven. Or, does he need to sleep in longer? Let him. He can have breakfast later if need be. Or, does he just want to play and is starting school too soon? Have his favorite brother/sister to play with play with him, doing his favorite thing, or just letting him choose each day.
Fixing the 4 yo is a priority, so make your routine/schedule reflect that. Throughout the day, I’d plan a 30-minute playtime for each other child to take a turn playing with the 4 yo. I’d also put in a video that you are okay with that child watching, and maybe some learning stations one of your other children set up. I would have each older kiddo take a turn playing with him. They can do his Little Hands to Heaven with him. One of them who likes to read can do the Bible read-aloud with them. One who likes to do experiments can do the activities with him. One who is creative can do the art projects with him, and so on. Fix the 4 yo, and you will have overcome a challenge.
How about your 4th grader and math?
The 4th grader needs extra help in math, and math goes long sometimes. Excellent! You have identified another problem, and it can be fixed! Consider switching math to something shorter. Or, set the timer for the suggested time allotment for the guide you are doing even though you aren’t doing that math and when it rings, stop – no matter what. Move on. Either pick up where you left off the next day, or have someone (an older sibling who likes math) help for 20 minutes later that afternoon/evening/weekend, or just do math 5 days a week instead of 4 days a week or through the summer. One subject like this is not hard to do on the off school days/seasons.
By 10 AM, how can the schedule already be off?
By 10 AM your whole schedule is off – good! You’ve identified another problem, and it can be fixed! You either need to shorten something (i.e. math – when timer rings, you’re done), cut something off (i.e. by clipping along with less discussing – a no frills move along approach), start earlier (get up earlier, but only if it’s realistic), enlist help (i.e. from an older child, like adding playtimes, move something to a different time (i.e. homework at night), simplify something (i.e. breakfast or chores), simply add 30 minutes more to the schedule to make it work, etc.
Reflect, what is throwing the day off?
Doing some more concentrated reflecting like this will help more and more. What is going wrong? What is throwing the day off? Why are certain subjects going so long and throwing off the balance of the day? When I decide to do this, which I do about once a year, I print out the time allotments for each guide, I get out a timer, and I set out a notebook. I jot down whatever is going wrong. For example, breakfast is late every day (I made my breakfasts simpler, enlisted my oldest to make oatmeal and heat up donuts 2 of the days to help with a portion of the breakfast, enlisted my middle son to make smoothies a few days to help with a portion of the breakfast, and did as much breakfast prep as I could the night before).
Another reflection… Emmett is not getting his garbage taken out – EVER! (I gave that chore to my middle son and gave some of my middle son’s chores to Emmett). Riley can’t do dictation/grammar/math all in a row – makes him tense and ME too – he usually cries at some point! (I realized he needs ‘inspirational subjects’ between ‘disciplinary subjects’ and divided these out through the day). My husband calls every morning when traveling in the middle of my teaching, and I get off 30 minutes. (I asked if he could please call in the late afternoon or night unless it was urgent). Emmett’s Tirzah reading is taking too long. I have Riley read a chapter to him sometime before they get to do computer – Riley volunteered as he loves to read aloud and loved Tirzah back when he did it I PHFHG. And the list goes on.
Help! How can I fix this mess?
How can every single person in the family help, and how can each best help? The family is a team. You are not in this alone. What can everyone do to help? Is outside help needed, from someone outside the family? We’ve always had scheduled playtimes for each of our children. Result? They are super close! They plan for their playtimes in advance. My 16 yo still plays with my 9 yo- happily. They are tight! He will also be a good father some day because he has learned to be less selfish. To gain teaching time with one child or with a group of children combined in one guide, I’d assign daily playtimes, where the older children each take a turn playing with the 4 yo and your other early elementary kiddos.
School subjects could be assigned as part of the playtimes. Then, you as the teacher move from one group/child to the next within teaching blocks, and the others are working on their independent school, doing an assigned playtime, doing a chore or helping with a meal, etc. Each of your children has things they love and things they are good at. Right now, we use our gifts and talents from the Lord to serve our families. It is that season for us. So, my son who loves physical activity leads ‘recess’, my son who loves to encourage me brings me coffee and makes our family smoothies, etc.
Take an outside view – what advice would you give a friend in the same predicament?
I want to challenge you – if you were trying to help a friend in the predicament you are in – what advice would you give her? Often times, we are hardest on ourselves! For example, I was telling a friend she should just get used audio books for Storytime and have her son follow along in them when I was having trouble myself getting Storytime read. I realized this was crazy I thought it was fine for her to do this, but not for me! I bought them that day, and for that season when I was at the hospital 6 times for a difficult pregnancy, I was thankful every day for those audios.
So, what areas can you you make changes in that make sense? Maybe you do 3 DITHOR genres this year instead of 5. You could also get audios of the Storytime books and just do the follow-ups. Maybe you have less extensive/perfectly healthy meals you prepare. Or, you could use paper plates for awhile, so cleanup is faster. Maybe all the kids have an earlier bedtime for awhile, so you can have some needed time with just your hubby or to go to bed early yourself. Think outside of the box! There are real doable answers there, I promise you!
Sticky notes – everywhere! What to do?
In a crunch, it is better to fully finish a box of plans, even if you have to jump in and help at the end by writing for the child, orally discussing it, helping finish the art project and accepting it won’t be that great, etc. – than to carry over finishing it the next day. Better to finish fully 3/4 of a guide, and start with the 1/4 you didn’t get done the next day, than to halfway do some things and fully do others, leaving yourself in the middle of a bunch of unfinished tasks.
If you need to do this for awhile, make your routine/schedule of teacher-directed blocks of time, and work with the assigned child during that time completing as many boxes as you can and finish out the day’s plans the next teacher-directed block of time the next day if need be. In other words, don’t have your guide full of sticky notes on different days of plans. This throws off the balance of the guide, and often it is the ‘fun’ things that get skipped making kiddos dislike school.
A Final Word of Encouragement
Whew! This got long, but I wanted to try to help as much as I could! But, you CAN do this! It is just a matter of truly reflecting on what needs to change and then one by one, making little changes. It’s a matter of choosing not to think ‘everything is going wrong and this is impossible’ to ‘these are the things that are really wrong and these are the things I’m going to do to change them’.
I hope something here helps, but I have prayed for you as well!!! We are all just moms doing the best we can with our children for God’s glory. But it’s a holy purpose – so important! It is worth real reflection, time, and change. I am just a phone call away anytime. You got this!
