How can I help my highly distracted son focus better?

Dear Carrie

How can I help my highly distracted son focus better?

Let me first say that I LOVE BIGGER!!! This is our first year, and I just love it! Thank you, Carrie!!! Now, here’s my problem. My son is 9, and he is “highly distracted.” I have never discussed this with a doctor. He is not hyperactive. However, he has a terrible time focusing on “seat work,” like Math, English, and Copywork. He will daydream and fiddle constantly. Most days, he has not completed his work by dinner. I do not believe it is an obedience issue. He even has a hard time focusing on his “play.” Oftentimes, he will tell me that he has a “story” in his head while he is playing with Legos, but his brain won’t stay with the story. It keeps wandering. He gets very frustrated when this happens. I definitely think he has a problem. What can I do to help my highly distracted son?


“Ms. Please Help with Ideas for My Highly Distracted Son”

Dear “Ms. Please Help with Ideas for My Highly Distracted Son,”

As kiddos get older, they often settle down some, and also learn to cope better with their various areas of strength/weakness. I remember when my oldest son was in 7th grade (aged 12 turning 13), that the change for him from grade 6 to grade 7 was markedly different! While he was highly distracted and always on the move in grade 6, by grade 7 he was steadily improving in this area. So, I’ll encourage you that time is on your side.

I can empathize with you and your highly distracted son having trouble with focus!

My second son is more of a highly distracted child, unless he really gets into his task. Then, he’s a single task child, who cannot be interrupted (or even hear anyone else it would seem)! I have to strive not to repeat myself with him all day long! Focus is his hardest issue! My third son used to fall off the couch during our lessons several times a day, just because he was such a squirmer. So, I can empathize!

We find these things to be quite necessary for highly distracted children to maintain better focus.

Over the years, we have found certain things to be quite necessary for highly distracted children to focus better. First, we keep lessons short, as in 15 minutes or less. Second,¬† we vary activities between oral and written work. Third, we try to do the most difficult thing first or second in the day. Fourth, we set the timer (one that doesn’t tick out loud) and put it near the child. Fifth, we sit next to the child for his/her hardest subject. Sixth, we have a quiet room for working that is away from distracting sounds (i.e. phones ringing, music playing, computer sounds, television noise, etc.). At our house this ‘quiet room’ rotates to wherever the rest of the people are not. Seventh, we break up the day with recess, lunch, computer time, etc., so their work is not all in a row.

Finally, we find touch can help highly distracted kiddos refocus. For example, if your kiddo is daydreaming, instead of speaking, just walk past him and rub or pat his back. This helped mine refocus and get back to work. I also will sometime walk by and just point to the timer, without speaking, to draw his attention to that as a means of refocusing. Anyway, you are not alone on this, and boys seem to have it even more than girls. Almost all of the boys in my third/fourth grade public school classrooms were this way too! I wrote the Heart of Dakota guides while homeschooling some of my own highly distracted kiddos, so hopefully the design of the plans will be a help as well!


Practical Ideas to Help an 8 Year-Old Focus Better

Dear Carrie

How can I help my son maintain better focus during history and science readings?

We just finished our first week of Heart of Dakota. I have a son who is eight using Bigger Hearts. He’s really enjoying the curriculum and doing well. However, he is having a hard time getting the science and history readings to sink in. Do you have suggestions on how to help him keep his focus/attention? Especially while I read to him? He has a tough time trying to narrate back to me. Someone suggested letting him move about the room while I read, or buy some special wiggly seat for him to sit on. I tried having him move around the room. It was a disaster. The readings are so interesting! I’M totally into them. I just can’t figure out how to get HIM to focus. Do you have some practical ideas to help him, that don’t involve buying a special cushion?


“Ms. Please Help with Practical Ideas for My 8 Year-Old to Focus Better”

Dear “Ms. Please Help with Practical Ideas for My 8 Year-Old to Focus Better,”

One thing to keep in mind is that the readings that are within Bigger Hearts are definitely challenging and include a very high-level vocabulary. This makes them a step up from the readings within Beyond. It takes time to grow into the skills required to listen to, process, and narrate upon more difficult readings. So, time spent reading more difficult material will definitely help a child grow into these skills. It is a process that takes time.

Have your child sit next to you and follow along as you read.

Next, it is usually true that seeing and hearing what is read will result in better retention than simply hearing what is read. So, it is a good idea to have your child sit next to you and follow along with the text while you read. I keep my wiggly boys close to me on the couch and keep my arm around them, having them help me hold the book as I read. This keeps them anchored next to me and keeps their minds focused on the words on the page.

Having your son narrate on shorter segments will help, but be careful not to stop to explain, summarize, or reread the text.

Stopping after several paragraphs to have your child give a brief narration, and then continuing right on, is another strategy that will help. Also, be sure that you are not stopping to explain difficult words, summarize the reading, or reread the text, as this actually interrupts the flow of the story in a child’s mind. Instead, we want to work toward training your child in the habit of listening and retelling from a single reading.

For many children, movement during reading interferes with the habit of retention.

While it is true that kiddos with certain disabilities listen and retain better when they are in motion, this is not true for most children. For many children, movement during reading interferes with the habit of attention and instead focuses and practices the habit of multi-tasking. Kids today often multi-task very well, but multi-tasking often means not giving your full attention to a single task but rather giving partial attention to a variety of tasks at once.

We are looking to form the habit of giving full attention to a single task, within the process of listening and narrating.

With narration and listening, we are looking to form the habit of giving a child’s full attention to a single task. To do this, the child often needs to be still, focusing all his/her attention on the reading and subsequent retelling. This is why it is so important to keep the readings short and the follow-up short too. This allows the child to give his/her full concentration to the task at hand, without requiring an unreasonable amount of time to be spent in this focused concentration.

You will see this skill slowly develop as time passes.

As time passes, I think you will be surprised at the progress your child will make in this area if you simply do the plans as written, requiring the child to focus/concentrate from a single reading. The skill will slowly develop through the years.



Helping Creative, More Easily Distracted Children Maintain Focus

From Our House to Yours

Helping Creative, More Easily Distracted Children Maintain Focus

Do you have a creative child, who is just full of joy, ideas, and inspiration? This can be a wonderful thing in homeschooling! However, it can also be a challenge. As Charlotte Mason advocated, a child needs both inspirational and disciplinary subjects to have a rich, balanced education. Blessedly, Heart of Dakota provides both. As parents, our ‘problem’ with our creative children is also our ‘delight.’ The creative child longs to live in a constant state of inspiration – what a delight! However, the disciplinary, routine portions of school must also be completed each day; hence, the problem. The child might balk at these routine things, might become more easily distracted, and might have difficulty maintaining focus. So, how can we help our creative children be inspired yet also be focused?

Helping Creative Children Be Inspired

Inspire children to be creative by doing all of HOD’s plans! Creative children tend to love HOD’s history projects. These projects have structure but often leave room for individuality. They also tend to love science experiments. The bigger, the louder, the better! Children who enjoy being creative with their drawing love the general directions of the timeline. ‘Draw and color an angel. Label it Hezekiah, Destruction of Sennacherib.‘ This can be a very inspirational activity for children who love to draw! Creative children love choosing the Drawn into the Heart of Reading genre kickoffs and projects. They also love dramatizations, poetry recitations, and even the leeway encouraged in giving oral narrations and writing written narrations! So, to help your creative children, don’t skip the fun stuff!

Helping Creative Children Be Focused

Help creative children be focused by having them follow a set routine during school. Creative children don’t like routines, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need them. The creative child would be fine taking all day on one inspirational history project. And as homeschool moms, it is tempting to let them! They are inspired, having fun, being productive. So, what’s wrong? What’s wrong is it is suddenly 5 PM, and while a lovely history project ensues, math, spelling, grammar, and a whole host of other subjects didn’t get done. No one enjoys doing school after 5 when they’ve been doing it all day; even if it was a fabulous day full of one amazing history project. So, use the suggested time allotments, make a routine, and make part of checking in on your creative child more often a part of it. (I check on my sweetie every 30 minutes.)

What to Do If Inspiration Begins to Run Away with the Day

So, what can be done when a creative child is totally inspired and in the middle of a project/activity/thought? Well, first, you can plan some ‘margin’ in your routine, especially for subjects you know are particularly inspiring to that child. For my son who loves to paint, for example, I planned longer for him to do his CTC watercolor paintings than the suggested time allotments. Second, you can plan some ‘creative’ time at the end of your homeschool day’s routine. For example, for my son who loves to get creative taking a planned activity or experiment further, we finish the plans in the HOD guide. But, we jot his ‘extended creative’ ideas on a piece of paper. Later, after school is done, he looks at his extended creative ideas’ paper. Sometime he excitedly chooses something to do for fun! Other times, he is inspired to do something totally different!

What to Do If a Disagreeable Attitude Arises

Sometimes, the creative child displays a disagreeable attitude. This attitude often arises with the more routine or less favorite parts of the day. I caution you, don’t give in to skipping these things! This only encourages children to show a disagreeable attitude whenever they don’t feel like doing something. And that’s not inspirational to anyone! Rather, help creative children understand the difference between inspirational and disciplinary subjects in school. Explain how being a hard working student is actually their ‘job’ now. It is training for their future job! Discuss the jobs you and your husband have or have had. No job is solely inspirational! Every job has tasks that must be done that are more disciplinary. Doing all tasks, whether inspirational or disciplinary, with joy is what the Lord wants us to do. Hopefully some of these tips will help you enjoy your more creative child in the day-to-day balance of homeschooling!

In Christ,