Does defending our choice to homeschool ever get easier?

[happyhomeschooling]

Ok, I know I have had posts about this before, and I sorry here is one more. It is so easy for me to give other people encouragement in this area
but when I am faced with it, I still feel that I have not learned yet how not to be offended. But it is my desire to not
be offended, say thank you for your concern, and be confident about our family's choice to hs.

I was talking with a family member today and she asked "Are you planning to homeschool through 12th grade?"
I said "yes why" she said well my charter school is opening a highschool ect. and they are haveing an open house
to the public annoucing the highschool and promoting the charter school ect. if you are interested in coming
just in case you might want to check it out. So me being on the offence which I am not proud of but let my flesh get in my way ) I said sure I will come
if you come over and I will promote homeschooling to you. I know I know I should have just said thank you I will keep in mind,
but i did'nt
So then she having a college education which I do not said, "oh I don't think I could be smart enough
to homeschool" So then I say "well if your not(smart enough) with a college education then you must think I'm not", she just laughed you know the fake
oh silly you ahahahaha. I know I just walked right through that door, and brought this on myself . I believe whole heartidly in
in hs. I would'nt change it for anything so I know I am confidant about the choice, I just find myself getting offended quickly
in this area. Does it get easier to not get offended? I try not to but I just go there everytime I am questiond

Beleive me I am very dissapointed in myself that I wasn't more mature about how I handled the conversation. (I have repented)
and I always think next time I will do better but I always tend to lash out. So just wodering if any of you out there that has had expeirence in this area how you
delt with it to have more control over your lips and a better attitude in your heart.

[water2wine]

This is always the theme whenever I visit my family. Last time I saw them the theme was definitely if I homeschool all the way through I am going to have freaky kids because the one person they know that was homeschooled relates better to people older than her rather than her own age group.

So this time God gave me a great way to end the conversation. It was an honest way that confronts but was respectful and put us sort of on equal ground. It occurred to me that they would never understand why I was hsing but what needed to happen is that they learn to respect my decision. All the woman in my family have high powered jobs and my brother is a professional touring musician. So I used an analogy. I very politely pointed out all the woman and men that had high powered careers and how different their lifestyles were than mine but that I would never in a million years look them in the eye and tell them that ten years from now they would have worked very hard only to ultimately fail and ruin their children in the process. In fact nobody would tolerate that for a second. Then I pointed out that hsing is my career and that they are really taking a very uneducated guess that I will fail at it and in the end ultimately ruin my children in the process. I let them know how much that hurt my feelings. I also let them know that because I have researched and feel a call from God there is literally nothing they can say that will influence what has already been decided. And all they really were doing in my mind was criticizing my job performance and decision when I am putting my heart and soul to give what I see as the very best to my family. I pointed out that I would never do this to them and I asked that they show me the same respect.

So far it has been amazingly successful and it pretty much left them speechless yet it was actually done very respectfully and nobody took offense. It was simply the truth in a way they could relate to it. And the truth does set you free. Hope there is something there that helps you also.

[mansmom]

I don't know if this helps or not...but I have also learned NOT to answer in a question...so instead of saying, "yes why?" I go with..."I hope so." or "wherever God leads us." This seems to either end it for the party bc they don't know how to respond...or it gets a conversation started that I'm comfortable with and don't feel I need to "defend" myself...maybe that's it...maybe think about it different...it is your decision and you KNOW it is the right decision for your family that God has led you to make...don't feel like you need to defend yourself, just simply..."yes."

I don't know...just ramblings...

[water2wine]

Joy does really have the truth. It is not that we owe anyone an answer. We do not have to explain why. You can just simply say "Yes this is my decision." That would be perhaps the most mature thing. You can even say "Absolutely Yes!". And I would definitely advise something like that before you do something like what I did. My family is just relentless. I think most people would be happy with the simple definitive answer and would know that common courtesy says let it be left at that.

[mansmom]

I also must admit....we are truly blessed in that our family on both sides are extremely supportive...so I'm not sure what I would be like if I felt them bashing me in some way. I just wanted to say I wasn't "bashing" how you handled...I've never had to wear those shoes.

[happyhomeschooling]

Well here is the thing, pretty much everyone in our family supports our decsion. Here is where it gets tricky for me, there are
just a couple (who claim they whole heartedly support us) but then make these little sutle digs about it, It would almost be
better if they just came out and said, "I dont really agree with what you are doing" Its more like "of course dear, it is such an
admiral thing to homeschool. why if I was'nt doing such important things with my life I might try it" that kind of thing. So then
I can't actually say hey look this is my choice don't fault me, because its always "why I never meant to offend you dear, why
would you think that"
This is where my frustration is, with the little digs.

[Emilylou]

I just always answer- "I am not sure what God has planned for our family next year or in a few years, but right now we are having a blast and hopefully honoring God."
Even though my plan is to not send my kids to PS ever!

[inHistiming]

I can understand your second-guessing or lashing out...though I also understand that is not your desire. It's hard when you are confronted by someone telling you (or implying) you're doing the wrong thing when you know it is something God has called you to do. I guess it's difficult to be criticized in any case. Maybe just answering "yes" would have been best, but we don't always make the best decisions. I know I don't. I do not have a college degree, either, and we have several teachers in the family. They have not come out and said they don't agree with me. In fact, my-sister-in law and brother thought briefly about homeschooling their oldest this year. She said she didn't think she could do it! Believe me, I had the same thoughts you did when she said that. I often lack confidence in my abilities...or at least I am unsure of what others think of my abilities. What helps me is to remember that God called me to this. It's not always easy, but He tells us it won't be if we follow Him. Also, homeschooling is so different from teaching in a classroom with 20+ students. You've been teaching your dc since birth...it's no different now except maybe the topics have changed. Parents are the BEST teachers...and if you pay attention, even teachers say that. They may feel better qualified to teach certain subjects...and maybe would be in certain cases, I don't know...but they all agree that parent involvement is of utmost importance. So what better way to be involved than to teach your children at home, where you know exactly what they are doing and learning, who they are with, and you can address any heart issues/behavior issues/concerns immediately? I love this about homeschooling. Now, I'm not saying I don't still get offended...sometimes I do. But, I have become more confident over the last couple of years we've been homeschooling. I expect that it will get better as time wears on...and as the dissenters see the wonderful progress of my children. I pray it will be the same for you. It's tough, but ultimately you answer only to God and your husband...as long as you know they are both supportive of your decision to homeschool, you are FREE. HTH

[happyhomeschooling]

inhistiming,
Your response made me cry, thank you! I feel so unburdend after reading that, thanks for reminding me.
Home school is so sacred to me, and I often think that others will be respectful of that and when they
ask me a question, i really never expect that it will be a loaded question, I am a bit niave (one of my biggest personality flaws )

Thank you everyone, I think I need to be a little less open with my answers and more confidant in my heart. I am just going to have to pray
for strenghth in this area. Thanks again

[Jessi]

So far I haven't come across anyone openly against our homeschooling, nor have I had anyone make little digs. My mom's only comment when I told her about a month ago what we planned on doing was to ask us to keep public school as an option. I told her it will always be an option because I don't know where God will lead us in the future but that I feel confident He is calling us to this so I am listening. It is hard for any God fearing mama to tell her daughter not to listen to God's call. You lay that trump card down with fellow believers and what can they say...I mean really. LOL

I have had some strangers in public ask if Emma will be in K next year. I usually just look at Emma and repeat the question to which she'll say "My mommy is my teacher. I am homeschooled." Very polite and intelligent. It pleasantly shocks people. Then I just smile and say "Yes, we are homeschooling." I even had a lady look at me funny and walk away only to return a couple of minutes later and say "I applaud you. Sometimes these days I think homeschooling is the only option. Good job, Mom." And I didn't even know her nor will I likely see her again. You just never know.

Family is so hard to deal with. My siblings haven't said anything about it yet because I haven't outright said anything. I grew up in a family that was antagonistic to homeschoolers. It should be interesting. Digs are harder to handle than outright antagonism. Digs mean that the person doesn't respect you enough in your beliefs to even debate you because they dont' want to find out that their way of thinking is wrong. Think about it...a truly confident person in their beliefs would have no trouble coming right out and saying what they think and that in turn could lead to a good calm (hopefully) debate because they won't be swayed and could articulate their thoughts outloud. A subtle dig means the person isn't confident in themselves and only want to make the other people feel as insecure as they are. Just my two cents, but then I am a very bold (to the point of being confrontational) person and people know where I stand.

The less is more theory really does apply here. To your family member that said she didn't think she'd be smart enough to homeschool, I would have said "Thank God I didn't go to college then or I wouldn't be smart enough either." Oops.....lol Maybe that isn't a good answer either. HAHAHA just trying to lighten the mood.

Good luck.

[trustinghim]

.What helps me is to remember that God called me to this. It's not always easy, but He tells us it won't be if we follow Him. Also, homeschooling is so different from teaching in a classroom with 20+ students. You've been teaching your dc since birth...it's no different now except maybe the topics have changed. Parents are the BEST teachers...and if you pay attention, even teachers say that. They may feel better qualified to teach certain subjects...and maybe would be in certain cases, I don't know...but they all agree that parent involvement is of utmost importance. So what better way to be involved than to teach your children at home, where you know exactly what they are doing and learning, who they are with, and you can address any heart issues/behavior issues/concerns immediately? I love this about homeschooling.

This is soooooo true, and such a good reminder, thanks

[Rebecca]

I just recently received my first "dig" about home schooling... and it still stings! It IS painful. It came from an immediate family member who has a PH.D. No one has ever given me issues with academic qualification- too much- although there is a little...
I am a very academic person...

It came from a social standpoint. My eight year old son enjoyed the Olympics while on vacation with my family and the person had to explain what the National Anthem was to him. They were shocked. They couldn't believe he didn't know what it was. I was oblivious- due to caring for our high needs three month old and found out about several months later in an unpleasant conversation- on a bad day I might add.

I do worry my children will be "strange" when we are through and I will fail. My concerns are more with social skills because we are very isolated- although hoping to change that as we become more involved in our church- and maybe 4H in a few years...

I have heard comments and stories about "weird" home school students and it worries me- ... I knew strange kids in public school too, though!

Rebecca

[inHistiming]

What I try to remember, in regards to being "strange" is... according to whose definition? Are we (or our children) strange because we don't have the same (bad) morals as some of those in the world? Are we strange because we find it to be more important to memorize hymns and scripture than the national anthem? Those things are good to know, but will it change your dc's life to be able to sing it or explain what it is? I don't want to sound un-patriotic...I love the national anthem, but hiding God's word in their hearts and teaching them to praise our Lord is more important...they have plenty of time to learn the more 'academic' things...but we cannot wait to teach them God's word. It is vital in this day and age! And you're right...you don't have to be homeschooled to be STRANGE! I actually try to take it as a compliment (after my initial schock, anger, and hurt!) if others think we are strange...it means we aren't like them, which is what the Bible actually instructs us to do..be different, separate from the world. I hope this has been encouraging...that was my intent, at least.

[Lori_in_Austin]

I have some book recommendations that will make you feel a lot better:

1- A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver Van DeMille
2- Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling by John Taylor Gatto
3- Homeschooling Methods by Paul & Gena Suarez / The Old Schoolhouse Magazine
4- Worldwide Guide to Homeschooling: Fact & Stats on the Benefits of Home School by Brian D. Ray

These books will show you that your level of education has a lot less to do with your success as a home educating parent than submitting and answering your calling from God to do so. We live in a society that tells us we need "experts" and "professionals" for this need or that need... Don't forget God often chooses the least likely person to serve Him and carry out his plans. In addition to other reasons, one reason is to show us He is the one working through us and that it is not by our own merrit that we succeed. The "world" and its way will never "accept" the way of Christ.

Anyway, I think you will find these books to be very encouraging to you and that God can use them to reveal more of Himself and His ways through them. My disclaimer is that no one author knows everything so don't think I necessarily agreed with 100 percent or that each is 100 percent correct either !!!

I did put them in the order I liked them; though numbers 1 & 2 are GREAT !!!

[trustinghim]

What I try to remember, in regards to being "strange" is... according to whose definition? Are we (or our children) strange because we don't have the same (bad) morals as some of those in the world? Are we strange because we find it to be more important to memorize hymns and scripture than the national anthem? Those things are good to know, but will it change your dc's life to be able to sing it or explain what it is? I don't want to sound un-patriotic...I love the national anthem, but hiding God's word in their hearts and teaching them to praise our Lord is more important...they have plenty of time to learn the more 'academic' things...but we cannot wait to teach them God's word. It is vital in this day and age! And you're right...you don't have to be homeschooled to be STRANGE! I actually try to take it as a compliment (after my initial schock, anger, and hurt!) if others think we are strange...it means we aren't like them, which is what the Bible actually instructs us to do..be different, separate from the world. I hope this has been encouraging...that was my intent, at least.

Thanks for this reminder , it is so hard to do what is different, even when being the "same" as everyone one else may not be best for our families, or even what we want for our families.
Sometimes I get so scared of having social "misfits" then I notice some things, like, some of the "school" children we know certainly have attitudes etc that we are trying to avoid (mind you, we also know some beautiful children and families that have chosen to go the school option, so I am not meaning to put down school ) The other thing I notice is with homeschooling families we know with older children is how lovely, and socially adjusted they are. For example, when we first thought about homeschooling, I was worried about the "long term" effects of homeschooling, would my kids turn out to be "weird”???. A homeschooling friend of mine invited me to a picnic, where there were a number of homeschooling families with children of all ages. The whether that day started off quiet nice, but then got cold as the day wore on. My baby was only about 5 weeks old, and I did not have a blanket for him. As I was nursing him, a 15 year old girl noticed he was cold, and took of her own jumper, and put it over my baby with out even being asked. Over the past few years I have seen many examples like this one, that show me that, with God’s help, we can raise beautiful, loving, others centered children at home!!

Thanks for the encouragment, I just love this board, and all the wisdom here

Love Deb