Not Giving 5YO Time He Needs

[Jaimejac]

I'm back again with another post about this same 5 yo I've been struggling with, who does not seem ready for LHFHG. I feel like he needs a lot more of me than I've been giving him. I thought starting school would be some of that "fun" time together, but since he doesn't seem to be ready for that, I'm not sure what to do with him during the day. I have a daughter in CTC, which is mostly independent, so that is not a problem. But I am supposed to start Bigger with my older son after we come back from vacation next week, and I'm not sure if I can and still meet my 5yo's needs. I'm so excited for Bigger, but I've read Sarah Mackenzie (Teaching From Rest) say to "cut back until there is peace in your home". I feel like that is where I'm at. And I have lots of time with the older son. He only turned 7 this last May and he is ready to start Bigger. If we stayed on this track, it would have him graduating at 16 I think. So there is time to slow down. My struggle is that he does not need to slow down, but he does need peace in our home. He struggles with anxiety and feeding issues. And much of the anxiety is caused by the fits and tantrums of the 5yo.

This little guy just seems to be a late bloomer. He'll be six in December, but he nursed until he was 4, still needs naps, although more sporadically, and like I said, does not seem to be very ready for formal school. I know Carrie and Julie have written posts about structuring your day around your littles, but that was more in reference to toddlers. I'm thinking I need to apply that to our house now with the 5yo being the youngest right now. Which might mean just doing the 3r's with the 7 yo and lots of reading, outside time and doing independent projects. And adding in Bigger when we have some structure figured out with the 5yo.

Anyone else have any experiences like this?

Blessings,
Jaime

[LovingJesus]

I think you could do Bigger for your older sons needs and meet your five-year olds needs.

It sounds like your five-year old needs mom time, maybe outdoor time, exercise, boy play, etc. I wouldn’t label him late bloomer yet, but you know him best.

Traditionally, school started at ages 8 or 9 with the alphabet; I wouldn’t worry about a 5 year old that isn’t ready for school. Our state still has age 8 as the legal age required to start school for homeschoolers.

My oldest started reading at age 3, and we still waited until he was age 6 for formal school by choice.

Ideas:
I did story time for young children to help younger kids feel included who weren’t ready for school.
We went outside daily for my boys.
I brought coloring books to the table.
I had youngest do play-doh while older ones worked.
Matchbox cars for a 5 year old boy while older one worked.
Table toys
Snacks
And definitely one on one time multiple times a day for a five year old boy that is a second boy of the family.

I don’t know if anything there helps, but I would just think of ways that work best for you to give him more time and alternate it with Bigger. When I had 4 kids under age 7 with school…I rotated all day between 1/2 hour school and 1/2 hour needs. You have one age 9 so it will look different, but think of ways he can be incorporated with playing or stories or mom.

I hope that helps even a little!

[Jaimejac]

Yes, thank you! Maybe yesterday was just a bad day. He was very tired and ended up taking a 2 hour nap. I've read all of Teri Maxwell's scheduling books and have been using her methods for several years now - so I have him scheduled every half hour for play time with each sibling, play alone time, quiet time, etc. He's had table time scheduled where I wanted him to color or something similar, but he doesn't like to write and has a very short attention span, so it was hard to keep him at the table for the half hour. He does not do well with play alone time or quiet time though. He just doesn't like to be alone. He didn't even start sleeping in his own bed until this summer, which was huge for him. But like I said, I haven't had playtime with me scheduled, and he has been specifically asking for that. I like your idea of alternating school time with "needs" time. I'm going to ponder that next week on vacation. Do you have examples of what your schedule looked like?

[StephanieU]

Have you tried having "quiet" time while he listens to something? We have done audiobooks, audio dramas, Scripture songs, and other quality music (either great quality music or songs with a message). My kids have done better being alone when it wasn't quiet

[Jaimejac]

Oh yes, he can listen to an audiobook during quiet time. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't.